moving forward
by part-timeslayer
Summary: It has been one long month since Lexa ordered the barricade put up, and Clarke had gone back to Arkadia. In that time Pike's been overthrown, Kane is the new chancellor, and Lexa has sent word that she'll be coming to Arkadia to negotiate. Clarke isn't sure what's more nerve-wracking, politics or introducing your warlord girlfriend to the friends and fam
1. Chapter 1

"Do you think the Commander is going to bother keeping her word this time?" Raven asked, from where she sat on top of Abby's desk, as she stared right at Clarke.

"She has no reason not to," Clarke reassured, trying to keep her annoyance in check as everyone other than Kane exchanged dubious looks.

She was aware that they didn't know Lexa the way that she did, that they still thought of her as just the ruthless commander that had abandoned them at Mount Weather. The really grating thing about that was that they weren't wrong. Lexa was that person, she'd make that choice again, Clarke couldn't deny it, no matter how much it still stung to acknowledge.

And there was the crucial point that Lexa hadn't actually promised anything. All she'd done was send a messenger to tell them that she'd be arriving to discuss negotiations. Clarke understood where they were coming from, it just didn't make it any easier to deal with, knowing that Lexa was more than that.

Knowing that Lexa had done everything she could for them, being there when Lexa had avenged the Ice Nation attack, witnessing Lexa decide against retaliation for what Pike had instigated, knowing how much Lexa wanted things to be different, how hard she worked to ensure peace.

Clarke couldn't imagine that Lexa would come all the way here now, after they'd gotten everything sorted out, after they'd held yet another election making Kane the chancellor and arrested Pike, to tell them that peace wouldn't be possible.

"You mean other than my brother helping Pike and his minions force three hundred warriors she sent to protect us to leave, at gunpoint, and then attacking an innocent village so that he can plant some corn?" Octavia asked bitterly from where she was standing between Lincoln and the aforementioned brother.

Bellamy didn't meet her eyes, Clarke saw him instead looking around the med-bay that had somehow become the group's unofficial meeting place every time something noteworthy happened, likely because that's where one could usually find herself and her mom.

Clarke hadn't been thrilled to work with her mother, despite how much progress they'd made, how much Clarke had grown to forgive her and to understand the choices her mother had made. They just still weren't exactly used to spending every minute of the day together. There wasn't really anything else Clarke could help with though, it turns out that there wasn't much use for an ambassador when there was a barricade up, and the other leader won't meet with them.

Despite the nature of their personal relationship, and the fact that they hadn't seen each other for a month. Not that Clarke was bitter about it.

"I was just trying to protect our people, to keep them safe, and to make sure that we wouldn't starve to death," Bellamy explained, jaw tight.

Clarke caught Lincoln's eyes, and wasn't surprised to note that he seemed to feel similarly to herself about Bellamy's excuse. She wasn't going to bother getting into an argument about it now though, there were more important things going on, and Lincoln didn't seem interested in having anything to do with Bellamy either.

Octavia scoffed, "Why is he here? If we're trying to make peace, again, then isn't he one of the last of people we want involved?"

"Because I want to help make things right. I screwed up, I'm so sorry, O."

Clarke was slightly mollified that at least he meant it, and at least the situation wasn't unsalvageable. Bellamy and Pike had threatened the three hundred Trikru, but no one had been hurt, and Octavia had gotten to the village before them. No deaths on either side meant that things weren't a complete lost cause at least.

"Regardless, Octavia does have a point," Abby interjected brusquely, looking lost in thought.

Kane encouragingly gestured for her to continue.

"We arrested Pike and had yet another election weeks ago. Octavia met with Indra and told her of these developments, and yet we've heard nothing from the Commander until now. I can't help but wonder why that is, if not because she's planning on taking advantage of the unrest we're dealing with here and get even for the threats that Pike's people have posed," Abby stated, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

"She was giving us time," Clarke replied instantly, Kane nodding in agreement.

"Time to what?" Raven questioned. Clarke wasn't certain whether she was asking more because of her general low opinion of Lexa, or because she co-captained the Abby Griffin cheer squad with Jackson.

"Get our people in order. You two are looking at it like doctors and mechanics, you see a problem, a broken leg or a broken radio, and you go to fix it. Lexa isn't either one of those, that's not how she works, not how she can work in her position," Clarke explained.

"And how does she work then?" Abby questioned dryly, raising an eyebrow.

"She's a leader, a…politician. She knows the people, she knows policies, traditions, and conflict resolution. How to come to an agreement, how to stay in power, and how to use that power to make the changes she wants in the future. How do you think things would have gone if Lexa had shown up here the day after Pike was arrested? Do you really think our people would have reacted well to that?

"Or that Lexa's people would have been okay with it if she'd dropped the barricade, and let us talk things over in Polis? I've been around them, and I assure you that she's probably being accused of 'going soft' and trying to stop a revolt from taking place as we speak, just because she's uninstated the kill order so soon. She's not planning to start a war with us, she's being realistic. Just giving everyone a moment to adjust."

"Well, since you've clearly spent a lot time thinking about the Commander, maybe you want to clue us in on why she hasn't at least contacted us before now? Warrior woman over there gave her Yoda a radio, right?," Raven said, nodding towards Octavia, who rolled her eyes at the descriptor, "your girl is making the choice not to fill us in on whatever her plan is."

"Yeah, I'm still seeing why we should let Grounder Queen in," Jasper interjected.

Clarke was about seventy-five percent sure that the only reason Jasper was saying anything at all was to spite her. He still hadn't forgiven her, Clarke wasn't sure that he ever would. Clarke wasn't sure she deserved forgiveness anyway.

"We need to let her in because we want to survive. We can't do that if we have the Grounders against us. I'm not saying that Lexa would attack us over refusing to make an alliance with her, she left you guys alone for three months after Mount Weather, and she never retaliated for what Pike and his followers did. She's not looking for a fight.

"But the fact is that we can't stay impartial. It's not an option. The Ice Nation attack proved that. And yes, Lexa handled that instance for us, but the Ice Queen wasn't the only threat on Earth. There's always gonna be some kind of conflict, some disaster. We're not on the Ark anymore, things don't just go as planned. Our choices here are try to move forward or carry our grudges to our graves," Clarke said.

"So, that means that we're trusting her now? After everything?" Bellamy asked dubiously.

Clarke was not alone in her resentment of Bellamy feeling the need to speak up, but she went ahead and answered him.

"I'm not saying that anyone has to trust her. But we do need to work with her. Feel free to be vigilant, to not take everything she says at her word, that's fine, but don't start a war with her for no other reason than because you're scared. We need her."

"I think we can all agree to at least hear her out," Kane stated.

Clarke was about to agree with Kane when she heard the clatter of footsteps against metal, and looked over in time to see Harper and Monroe appear in the doorway, decked out in their guards uniforms.

It was still odd sometimes seeing so many of the original hundred who had been sent down to earth as criminals, now working as, well, the law. She could acknowledge though that it was probably just as weird for them to see her and Octavia more closely resembling Grounders than Arkers. They were all changing, finding their places in the new world order.

"Any news?" Abby asked, not needing to clarify what about.

"The Commander is at the gate," Monroe answered, Harper nodding next to her unnecessarily.

"Thank you," Kane responded, rubbing his hands together and turning back towards the group, "we probably shouldn't keep her waiting".

Clarke nodded eagerly and went to lead the way out. Admittedly her jump to action having more to do with her desire to see Lexa than any real worries about her having to wait. Lexa was almost infuriatingly patient most of the time. Then again, she'd probably be at least as anxious to meet again as Clarke was.

Which reminded her that this was going to be the first time that they'd seen each other in a month. A fair portion of that time wondering if they'd ever be on the same side again, and their reunion was going to be witnessed by everyone Clarke knew. It was a sobering thought, that she wouldn't get to greet the woman that she...cared for, with even half the pleasure she felt.

She stopped just as she got to the doorway, and turned to face the group.

"You know, this'll probably be a bit overwhelming for her. This is the first time she's been in Arkadia and it's not exactly under ideal circumstances, so maybe it would be better if just Kane and I went to greet her while the rest of you make sure everything's ready."

Clarke turned away without giving them a chance to object, and pretended that she didn't hear Raven muttering about 'set what up, we're just gonna sit at a table?' or see Octavia raise both of her eyebrows, clearly having a pretty solid theory as to why she wanted to be as alone with Lexa as possible.

Clarke took a deep breath as she stepped out of the Ark and caught sight of the gate. She tried to hide the nervous energy that was buzzing through her, but she wasn't certain that she had succeeded as well as she would have liked.

She nodded for the guard to open the gate, and barely managed to suppress an eye-roll when instead of just doing what she asked, the guard looked to Kane for confirmation. He agreed immediately, and gave Clarke a sympathetic smile. Clarke partially appreciated his acknowledgement, but was mostly annoyed and embarrassed.

She had been back for weeks and still struggled to remember that her orders weren't going to be followed the way that they were in Polis. The only people who seemed to pay her opinion any mind were other members of the hundred. And even then it was like pulling teeth trying to get them to stop questioning every little thing she said and did.

Logically she grudgingly understood a bit of why that was, she wasn't the Chancellor or even an acting Ambassador what with their ties cut from the Grounders. Still it grated to be treated like a child after everything she'd been through. She certainly didn't feel like one.

Clarke kept her gaze forward, but it was a bit of a struggle when she noticed the displeased grumblings of the people around her. They were too distinctive to effectively tune out with how quiet everyone else was being. Clarke couldn't tell if the silence had more to do with nerves or if they just didn't want to miss anything.

Kane came to a stop just behind her, fidgeting slightly, and reached forward to squeeze her shoulder. Clarke glanced at him, but didn't shrug off his attempt to comfort her as she had a sneaking suspicion that the touch was at least as much for him as it was for her.

Clarke turned back to the gate just as it slid open. And there was Lexa.

She was standing at the entrance of the gate, flanked by several of her guards, but thankfully wasn't wearing any warpaint. Her sword was also nowhere to be seen, though Clarke was certain that Lexa still had a knife or two stashed away in that black coat that she loved so much. It was definitely a good sign, that Lexa looked more like she was going to one of her meetings in Polis than to war.

This was Lexa's way of trying to be amicable. She still appeared powerful, in control, but not threatening. With the extreme emphasis that Lexa tended to put on presentation, Clarke knew that this was intentional.

Clarke's hands felt clammy and she wasn't sure what to do with them, they suddenly felt awkward and heavy just hovering by her thighs. She raised them to cross over her chest before she decided that that looked a little defensive, and moved them to clasp together in front of her at the last second.

She felt ridiculous for worrying about how she was standing, knowing it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to Lexa, but she couldn't hold herself still. It was difficult having Lexa so close, but being unable to do or say anything that an Ambassador (or maybe if she pushed her luck) a friend, would.

Clarke watched as Lexa's jaw shifted slightly while she looked around Arkadia for the first time. It was a movement so small that it was likely invisible to anyone who didn't know to look for it. Her jaw stopped the moment she locked eyes with Clarke.

The corners of her lips started twitching upwards immediately, her eyes were shining. Clarke was sure she matched. Lexa tilted her chin back and studied Clarke warmly, before grudgingly turning to greet Kane, the person that she was supposed to be in Arkadia to see.

"Commander, it is good of you to join us. We are all truly grateful and admiring of your understanding after the...miscommunication that occurred," Kane said, trying to be as diplomatic as possible about the situation.

Lexa's eyebrow twitched and her lips pursed at the vast understatement, but allowed Kane's attempt at smoothing things over to pass without comment.

She acknowledged Kane respectfully with a nod, and then turned her attention to, what Clarke guessed, was her searching out any potential threats from the way that her gaze lingered just a moment too long on anyone who appeared especially hostile.

Many of them were from Farm Station, but it wasn't just them. She wouldn't be able to hide that fact, to keep her people's part in the hostility a secret from Lexa even if she wanted to. Lexa was too smart for that. She knew how many people were from Farm Station, Clarke herself had been the one to tell her, and the angry atmosphere was coming from a decidedly larger number of people.

Lexa was as poised as ever though. Any stray observer might well assume that she was unaware that anything was amiss, even though the only thing that didn't feel like a potential threat at the moment was Lexa. Which was incredibly ironic considering that the whole reason for the meeting that they were about to attend was so that her people could beg Lexa not to try to wipe them out.

It just wasn't easy to take the Warlord as a serious threat when she was pretty much your on-again off-again girlfriend, who cried when you kissed her, and whose eyes kept finding yours every few seconds. Watching Lexa go from cautious battle-ready Commander, to just melting when she looked at her, and back again, was both sweet, mildly embarrassing, and something that she would be sure to tease her about later.

It was comforting having that reaction directed toward her. Particularly from someone she felt so strongly about, and Clarke couldn't stop herself from stepping a few inches too close to Lexa to be anything other than familiar, vaguely registering that Kane had shuffled off a few feet to the side to give them the illusion of privacy as she did so.

"Ambassador," Lexa murmured, almost teasingly, as she held her arm out to Clarke.

"Heda," Clarke returned, and grasped the forearm presented to her. She wasn't sure whether she was blushing or smirking more as she recalled how the last time they'd done this had gone.

Lexa furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head in bemusement as she took in Clarke's reaction before understanding dawned on her. Her hand squeezed Clarke's arm at first, thumb tracing a small circle on Clarke's skin, making the hairs on her arm stand-up, before she realized what she was doing and pulled her hand back abruptly.

Clarke sighed, but Lexa's action was probably for the best. Any longer and things were probably gonna get weird, what with their audience and all.

Clarke and Lexa turned to Kane at the same time.

"Kane, why don't we show the Commander to the Conference room, so that we can get what we can sorted out today."

"Of course," Kane responded as he led the way into what was left of the Ark. "Also, I wondered if you wanted to spend the night here, I've already had a room made up for you. Though there's no pressure to use it if you have to leave, or would rather remain elsewhere."

"Thank you, Marcus, your hospitality is noted and appreciated. I think it might be best if we make those arrangements after our meeting, though. Nothing I have to say should warrant a particularly negative response, I truly believe that our people can coexist and wish to work towards that, but these things don't always go as we anticipate," Lexa said, as she stared straight ahead, impassive, her reassuring tone the only indication that she felt anything at all about the meeting.

"I agree, that sounds like a wise course of action," Kane said, giving a small smile, and picked up his pace.

Clarke slowed hers, and Lexa did the same, separating them from Kane by a few feet quickly.

"So," Clarke drawled quietly, turning slightly towards Lexa teasingly, "how are the kids?"

Lexa paused her fascinated inspection of the interior of the Ark to glance at Clarke from under her eyelashes, and gave a small smile.

"Doing well. They do wonder when you'll return, though. You're very missed."

"Oh, it's the kids that miss me, is it?"

"They're very fond of you, Clarke," Lexa confirmed, staring at Clarke out of the corner of her eye, smirk in place.

Clarke rolled her eyes, and decided that with Kane being the only other person in the hallway it wasn't too risky to grasp Lexa's arm and lean in closer.

Lexa startled at the unexpected touch, but pressed against Clarke contentedly all the same almost immediately.

"I don't know. My decision is going to have to wait until after the negotiation. I have to make sure everything is settled here before I can even think about being anywhere else. Look what happened the last time I left them to their own devices," Clarke whispered, biting back a grimace.

Lexa studied her for a moment, and stroked the back of Clarke's hand that was still nestled in the crook of her elbow.

"Clarke, you don't need to feel guilty for the decisions that your people made without you here. Their choices were their own."

"Then why does it feel like it's my fault?"

"Because you're a good person who doesn't like to see other people fail, to see them in pain. You take on burdens that are not your own because you're the one who's strong enough to bare them. I respect that immensely, your compassion, your determination. I don't mean to rush you, Clarke. I understand quite well the weight of a people. Just know that whenever you're ready you'll be welcomed back with open arms," Lexa said, keeping her voice low, for Clarke's ears only.

"I know," Clarke answered, nodding, meeting Lexa's eyes and finding it impossible to look away from the warmth and understanding offered to her unconditionally.

Kane stopped outside of the door of the room they were going to be holding the meeting in, and turned to Clarke and Lexa.

"Commander, I don't mean to overstep, and I know that we want to present a united front, but...," Kane trailed off, gesturing vaguely, between Clarke and Lexa, and rubbing the back of his neck.

It took the two of them an embarrassingly long moment to catch onto what he meant. They released each other, with reluctance, though Lexa was looking pretty proud, Clarke noted. She was tempted to whack Lexa for her smirk, but didn't want to embarrass her in front of Kane right before an important meeting that had to go well.

"You know, we wouldn't have to do that in Polis," Lexa pointed out quietly, as she smoothed down the front of her coat, and clasped her arms behind her back.

Clarke ignored her, and gestured for Kane to open the door. Shockingly enough he did so.


	2. Chapter 2

If Lexa was surprised that their council mainly comprised of all of Clarke's friends, and a few stray adults in positions of authority that Kane and Abby somewhat trusted, she didn't show it.

Lexa strode forward without hesitation, and slid into what was supposed to be Kane's chair at the head of the table, not waiting for anyone to stand for her as she normally did in Polis. She could apparently tell that that kind of deference wasn't going to be shown in Arkadia.

Clarke cringed at Lexa's power-play, not because it wasn't effective, if obvious, because it was, but because the glares of her friends showed their resentment of the move pretty clearly. The meeting already wasn't off to a great start.

Clarke glanced over at Kane reluctantly, anticipating having to figure out how to assuage his stung pride, and was confused but pleased to see that it wouldn't be necessary. Kane was taking Lexa's actions well, if the small smile and respectful nod that he was exchanging with Lexa was any indication.

"Commander, I believe that this is your first time on the Ark, how are you finding it?" Abby asked trying to ease the tension in the room with forced pleasantries.

Clarke closed her eyes and sighed silently at the pause that preluded Lexa's response. It was unusual for Lexa to have trouble finding the words for something, at least on a professional level. Occasionally Lexa wasn't completely eloquent when it was just her and Clarke, and she was talking about her feelings, but never during meetings like this.

Lexa insulting the Ark wasn't going to earn her any brownie points. Not that Lexa cared all that much about whether or not the Arkers liked her, but it really didn't bode well for the future of an alliance if neither group could even be civil.

Clarke found it difficult to blame Lexa for her apparently unflattering view of the Ark, though. There wasn't all that much positive to say about the Ark, anymore at least. It's fall to earth had made it just sparse colorless wreckage.

The only thing that Lexa might would find impressive in any way was the technology, but Lexa didn't know much about that. The only thing she could knowingly say about it was likely 'cool lights', which Clarke imagined wasn't a statement that she wanted to make.

"It looks very...sturdy. Your camp is well fortified," Lexa halfheartedly complimented.

"Well it got us from space, so I'd say you're quite right, Lexa," Kane observed, clearing his throat, and smiling.

Lexa nodded to him and looked to Clarke. Clarke had taken the only available seat after Kane had chosen the spot to Lexa's right. Clarke was next to her mother, who was directly opposite Kane. Clarke knew why Lexa was looking at her like that, and leaned forward to gain everyone's attention before speaking.

"I believe we're all here for a reason, would you mind starting us off, Commander?"

"It would be my pleasure, Clarke," Lexa stated wryly.

"To start with, it may ease your minds to know that I've decided not to demand the lives of all involved in the attack on a peaceful village, whose inhabitants had already been terrorized by your uncalled show of force when I sent three hundred of my warriors to aid you."

Clarke could see that the idea that Lexa would want to execute the people who'd helped Pike hadn't even occurred to almost anyone on the Council. The only ones who didn't appear surprised by Lexa's proclamation were Octavia, Lincoln, Raven, and Bellamy. Clarke forced her annoyance at the ignorance of half the Council and Lexa's need to list out each wrongdoing to the back of her mind, and tuned back into Lexa's speech.

"There were no deaths and the leader has been apprehended, so I've decided to show you the same courtesy that I've shown other members of the Coalition in the past. You may punish the guilty as you see fit," Lexa locked eyes with Bellamy coldly for a beat before continuing on uninterrupted.

Bellamy had managed to keep his comments to himself, and was sullenly glaring at the table. Clarke had half expected for Octavia to speak up in his defense, as she was never unprepared to start a fight no matter who it was with if she thought it was the right thing to do, but it seemed that Octavia was more pissed at her brother than even Clarke had realized.

"I am also willing to allot you the amount of land that you need to feed and house your people comfortably. Something I had every intention of doing before the unprovoked attacks. I protect my own, and as members of the Coalition that protection now extends to you.

"I will call for volunteers to aid you in your endeavors, but be aware that I will not order any of my people to approach and help you after what's happened. If they should decide to leave you to plant on your own, I will respect that decision and expect all of you to do so as well. The most I can promise is that there will severe punishments afforded to any who attempt to hinder you.

"I've also commissioned for construction of a road to be built from TonDC to your camp, for trade availability in the future. Trade itself I'm more than willing to discuss in depth at a later point," Lexa concluded, and looked to Kane for a positive or negative response.

Though her speech was made for the benefit of the entire council, most of it had been made while staring at Clarke. And Clarke had a pretty good idea as to why that was.

Lexa wanted Clarke to approve of her plans as they were because she had no intention of changing them, even for Clarke. Clarke understood the fear, she knew in the past she'd shown just how much she cared about her people, that she'd put them first no matter what. That even if they were the ones in the wrong she'd side with them.

She could get how even though Lexa was being as lenient, as kind, as possible, Lexa might still worry that even that wasn't good enough for her. There was also that the two of them didn't always have the best track record when it came to the effect that politics had on their relationship. It was never Clarke and Lexa as individuals that stunted their relationship, when they were away from the rest of the world they did great.

It was always the warring of the people that they had accepted charge of, that was the problem. That was going to stop though, they were changing that. The roles they had to take on may be what had driven them apart before, but it was also what had brought them together in the first place.

It was the two of them that made the original alliance against the mountain, that forced them back together in Polis when everyone was out to get 'Wanheda', and it was gonna be what put them back together when they achieved peace between the people of the Ark and the Grounders.

Suffice to say that Clarke was satisfied with what Lexa offered.

Clarke nodded towards Lexa, and had to hold back a smile at the way Lexa's shoulders visibly relaxed in relief.

Kane and the others looked stunned, well some more resentful than stunned, but the general consensus being stunned, at the way that Lexa had strolled in and taken over the meeting. Apparently they didn't see that coming. Somehow. It was as if they didn't know Lexa at all.

Which was true on a personal level, but they'd dealt with Lexa before in settings like this. One of Lexa's favorite things to do was give moving speeches. Or as someone else might describe it, Clarke thought, was that Lexa really enjoyed hearing herself speak. Maybe they just didn't expect her to come in so strong when she didn't have the home-field advantage.

"That's quite, ah, generous of you, Commander," Kane said, still somewhat taken aback, but was rallying admirably and sounded genuine.

Clarke could see that her mom had a few adjectives she'd like to use to describe Lexa's speech, none of them being 'generous', but thankfully she managed to keep them to herself. Clarke had a feeling she'd be hearing the majority of them later on, though.

Lexa inclined her head in agreement with Kane's statement, and Clarke struggled to keep herself from rolling her eyes.

"There's one point that I was hoping that we could clarify before we end this meeting," Kane started, continuing when Lexa leaned forward in interest.

"Being that we're under your protection I imagine that you would expect our assistance should any of the other clans begin to act in an aggressive manner, or well, you never know what's going to happen on earth, perhaps some other threat will arise. What exactly would you require of us in such an event?"

Lexa gave an approving nod at Kane's questions before she answered him.

"It depends on the circumstances of the threat for one. Not every attack requires the same countermeasures to contain it. For example, should something happen a great distance from here, perhaps far north or to the west, it would be unlikely of me to call on your people at all. I would use the resources more readily available.

"If it was a threat mere miles from here however, that would be a different matter. The only thing that I can swear to you, that will remain constant no matter the circumstances, is that I wouldn't ask more than you were capable of giving. I wouldn't ask that every able bodied person come to fight for me.

"It's doubtful I would even ask for all of your warriors, or guards as I've heard you refer to them as. I wouldn't leave you defenseless. I may ask for some who are untrained, but only in the event that they have an invaluable skill-set, like Raven," Lexa said, raising a hand to gesture to Raven.

There was no warmth in the gesture, but Lexa made no attempt to hide her respect.

Raven's eyebrows shot up at the unexpected attention, and a beat later she shrugged confidently.

Clarke knew that Raven wasn't exactly yearning for Lexa's approval or anything, the whole torturing her and killing the guy she loved thing kind of shot down any chance there could have been for Raven and Lexa to have a close relationship, but there was still a proud edge to her smirk that wasn't there a second before.

Being acknowledged for your value and contributions by the most powerful person in the world was not unpleasant, as Clarke knew from first hand experience.

"Wait. That sounds a lot like you're suggesting that you'd draft Raven. I won't have our people dragged unwillingly into your wars," Abby said.

Kane looked to Lexa apologetically, clearly agreeing that he wouldn't sign off on a plan that forced Raven, or any of the others, to the front lines. Clarke knew that they'd seen the error of their ways on the Ark once they'd hit the ground, that they'd promised to change and it was things like this that proved that they meant it, but it still made her grit her teeth a little to hear them talk like this.

Clarke hated that she felt that way, that it annoyed her that Kane and her mother were trying to be better. But there was something dark deep inside of her that always wanted to point out how much more convenient things would be, how much better life could have been if they'd tried out this whole new philosophy when the Ark started dying.

If they hadn't floated her father, if they'd let people volunteer to come down instead of treating a bunch of kids like lab rats. Who knows, maybe life on earth could have started out with a lot less bloodshed and ptsd.

The only thing that might have changed that Clarke wouldn't want to trade for that better life was Lexa. But the funny thing about that was that even though Clarke wasn't superstitious, that she didn't believe in fate or luck, there was something telling her that she and Lexa would have found each other anyway.

"Mom, that's not what Lexa's saying. She's not pushing to draft Raven," Clarke interjected in favor of Lexa, bringing herself back to the present.

She wasn't entirely certain that what she was saying was true, but reasoned that Lexa was smart enough to take the out she'd given her, for now. If her mom was right about what Lexa was saying then it was possible that she'd bring it up again, but Clarke had little doubt about her ability to persuade Lexa to change that policy when the subject came up.

"My people don't fight for me out of fear, Doctor Griffin, and I have no intention of yours doing so either. I would just hope that Raven, or anyone else we might need, would be willing to do the right thing. And if not, well, I'm neither poor nor powerless.

"Generally I have little trouble diplomatically coming to a suitable arrangement for both parties. I didn't unite the twelve, thirteen now, clans and keep them united this long purely by winning battles. Though admittedly that was a tactic used more than once," Lexa drawled, listing her accomplishments bluntly, but without bragging.

Clarke relaxed. She believed Lexa, that she wouldn't have to worry about persuading her at all. Lexa wasn't lying about this. Which wasn't all that surprising to be fair as Lexa rarely lied. Clarke couldn't recall a single time Lexa had lied to her now that she thought about it.

If Kane had accurately reported his and Jaha's first encounter with Lexa than she hadn't even lied then. To Clarke's understanding, Lexa had given her name, never claimed to actually be a serving girl, and told them nothing but the truth when they asked about the Commander.

Lexa just had a way of telling the truth in the most enticing way possible, the way that tended to paint her in the most favorable light, but lying and manipulating weren't how she tended to go about things. She had managed to perfect the art of being straightforwardly deceptive, something that Clarke hadn't even known was possible.

"Well, as long as it stays that way, I believe that your terms aren't impossible to work with," her mom acknowledged stiffly, looking from Clarke to Lexa with curiosity.

Clarke ignored her mother's observing and suspicious gaze, almost certain that her mother was now aware that her relationship with Lexa ran deeper than it appeared. Not a shocking development as this was about the millionth time that she'd sided with Lexa throughout the day, counting the times that she'd done so when Lexa wasn't even present.

Clarke exchanged a cringe with Kane at her mother's tone, Kane's being much more good-natured than her own, and turned towards Lexa.

Clarke expected to see some sign of well concealed agitation if not outright anger. Instead Lexa seemed almost amused and nodded towards her mom with her lips quirking up at the corners before speaking.

"Are there any other questions or requests you would like to make before I have a treaty drawn up that will outline what we've decided here?"

Kane and her mom exchanged a glance and contemplated the question. They seemed to agree that there wasn't much left that needed to be said during this meeting, and started shaking their heads.

"Wait. Um, I was wondering about food? With what we have now, the pace that it's being consumed at, and the rate that we're producing it, things aren't looking that great for us at the moment. We, me and the rest of Farm Station, think that we'll be able to get everything settled in the spring, but that's still about a month and a half away," Monty said, for the most part his words coming out strongly, but he seemed to have trouble meeting Lexa's eyes.

Lexa studied him thoughtfully, and turned to Clarke.

"He's one of your's," Lexa stated, though, Clarke could make out the questioning tone hidden in the assertion.

Most of the adults on the Council were confused about what Lexa was talking about, but Clarke could see from the frown drawn across her mom's face that she wasn't one of them. All of Clarke's friends knew exactly what Lexa meant, even if they didn't really appreciate being called 'Clarke's'.

"Yes, he is," Clarke confirmed.

"Very well. I will see to it that your people are provided for, for the duration of two months, by that point I expect you to be able to handle yourselves. I will also see to it that word is passed around that Heda would be pleased with any who wanted to offer hunting and fishing lessons, though as I said earlier, I will not force anyone to give you those lessons.

"My approval of such action should be sufficient motivation to ensure that at least a few of my own will be by to help you, regardless. This is agreeable to you, Chancellor?" Lexa settled into an almost lounge in her chair as she spoke.

Lexa looked at home, completely in her element, as she negotiated.

"That would be more than agreeable to me, thank you for your time and support, Commander. If that's all for now, I'm sure Clarke would be happy to give you a tour of our little settlement.

"Of course my offer of a room for the night, or however long you wish to stay, is still very much alive and well. If you have the fortune of some time to spare here of course, I'm sure you're a very busy woman. If you have to leave that's understandable, Lexa," Kane reassured gently, his tone switching from kind but professional to almost fatherly as he offered Lexa a room.

"I'll be staying, and I thank you for having me, Kane," Lexa replied, giving him a genuine smile. Well, as close to a smile as Lexa tended to get when she was in Commander Mode, and turned expectantly towards Clarke.

Clarke stood and led the way out, ignoring the 'we're talking about this later' looks half the people she walked away from were giving her.


	3. Chapter 3

The second the door shut with a metallic clink Clarke could hear several raised voices demanding to know what Kane was thinking letting Lexa just wander around their camp, and others arguing that Lexa clearly wasn't around to start trouble and that being hospitable was a necessary step forward in a relationship not founded on war with the Grounder's.

Clarke huffed in annoyance at the way the door muffled the sounds inside the room just enough that she couldn't make out exactly which people were promoting peace, or even hear many individual statements. All she was getting was the general topic.

Lexa quirked an unimpressed eyebrow, but didn't say anything about the chaos. Clarke reflected that compared to duels to the death and assassination attempts Lexa probably saw the impromptu meeting going on in the room as somewhat childish, but mild.

"So, anything you want to see in particular? You saw pretty much everything, at least in passing, when you walked in. Kane wasn't kidding when he said 'little settlement'," Clarke told her.

"Where do you spend most of your time?"

"Usually the Med-bay, the dining hall, and the rooms I share with my mom, pretty much in that order. Sometimes I hang out with Raven in her workshop when I want to be alone," Clarke answered with a shrug.

"You seek out your friend when you want to be alone?" Lexa tilted her head, surveying Clarke's face curiously as she waited for her answer.

"Raven gets it when I'm in a mood. She just doesn't bother me, doesn't try to talk to me, doesn't even ask me why I'm barging into her work area or anything. All she does is tinker with bits of metal, turning them into functional useful things, somehow. So it's basically the same thing as being alone, just with a friend," Clarke said, finding the explanation confusing and lacking even to herself, but unable to come up with a better way to describe it.

Lexa nodded as though it made perfect sense, and gestured for Clarke to lead the way to the Med-bay.

Clarke started forward at the same time as she gave Lexa a questioning glance. Lexa seemed to understand that too.

"I felt that way with Anya. I rarely sought her out for that purpose, though. We were usually already together. A second doesn't often leave their mentor's side. She understood me very well," Lexa sounded almost nostalgic for a moment as she stared at nothing.

She snapped back to the present quickly, looking almost embarrassed, and tried to straighten up her already perfect posture.

"I didn't know Anya well, but I did grow to respect her in the short time we had together. I'm sorry that you lost her," Clarke said.

"Her teachings remain with me. Death is a part of life, and I hope that my novitiates are able to move past their grief when I pass on, and remember me with the same fondness. The only thing that I truly regret with regards to Anya is that we were estranged for several years before her fight ended," Lexa stiffly commented, raising her chin proudly as they passed someone in the hallway.

"You guys were estranged?" Clarke asked, though she'd guessed that from little things that Lexa had said before and the way that Anya had acted when talking about her.

She just wanted to know more about how Lexa felt about it, what her life was like before she and Clarke had met.

"Yes."

Lexa glanced over at Clarke's expectant expression and sighed.

"After Costia died I became rather difficult to live with. When we met I know that I was not particularly warm, but I assure you that by that point I had softened considerably compared to how I behaved in those first few months. It was as though I had used up all of the kindness and understanding I had when I allowed Azgeda into the Coalition. Or perhaps as though my heart had died with Costia.

"I still did right by my people, I protected them, pushed for peace. But it was not done as I am now. I was especially harsh to Anya, something I'm ashamed to admit and think about today. She loved me and I her, and it was too much for me then, so soon after I'd lost someone else I loved. So I pushed her away."

Clarke could tell from Lexa's grimace and tight voice that her words were anything but an exaggeration.

Clarke didn't say anything. There were no words that could change what had happened, and Lexa had largely healed from the wounds left by Costia's death. It still hurt her to talk about, if the pain of a loved one's death ever really stopped at some point Clarke hadn't reached it, and obviously neither had Lexa.

Clarke reached out to Lexa and stroked down her arm, starting up at the top, brushing the side of her neck, and lingering when her fingertips pressed against Lexa's calloused palm. She didn't quite hold her hand, she didn't want to deal with the fallout that strolling around holding hands with Lexa would induce, but she was there for her.

Not for the first time Clarke felt a pang of longing for Polis. Of course she and Lexa hadn't been skipping around and hanging all over each other in Polis either, but at least they'd been able to tuck themselves away in one of their rooms for a few hours a day to do as they please.

Though at the time mostly what they did was avoid talking to each other. Lexa because she was determined to be as unobtrusive and accommodating towards Clarke as possible when Clarke sought her out for company, and Clarke because she was still angry.

Angry enough that she just wanted to pretend that Lexa didn't exist, even while very grudgingly enjoying Lexa's company enough that she didn't have it in her to walk out or to make Lexa leave when they were in Clarke's room.

What they had to do now though, it was different. Watching everything she said and did around Lexa for fear that someone would see and it'd start a political incident was not the same as doing so on her own terms because of how she felt about her.

Clarke slowed as they neared the medical area and saw her mother attending to a patient. Clarke had taken the longest route she could to steal a few extra moments with Lexa without anyone interfering, so seeing her mom already back wasn't surprising.

And apparently Lexa had been aware of what Clarke was doing as well because she didn't appear at all perturbed about her mom beating them to Med-bay despite obviously having left after they did. Lexa didn't comment on it, though, probably too touched to tease her about it. Lexa was sentimental like that sometimes.

Clarke took a deep breath and lead the way into the room, reassured by Lexa's calm stable presence at her side despite that Lexa being in the Med-bay with her mother was what was distressing her.

"Mom."

"Clarke, Commander, I didn't expect to see the two of you here," her mom responded looking surprised but not particularly unwelcoming.

"Yeah, well, Lexa wanted to see where I hang out most, and some days I don't even leave here so it seemed like the place to start," Clarke shrugged, leading Lexa over to her station.

"I don't mean to intrude on your workplace Dr. Griffin, if it's best that I leave while you're attending to your sick or injured I won't take offence at being asked to do so," Lexa said, hovering near the desk chair that Clarke had shoved her towards as Clarke took a seat on the desk itself.

"It's not a problem, we haven't had more than a couple of minor injuries pass through today," she grudgingly conceded.

Lexa nodded and took her place at Clarke's desk. Clarke moved her feet to rest on the edge of the chair and gestured to the rest of the room.

"So, this is pretty much it. Here I write up reports, keep records, and take notes whenever mom shows me something new, and we've got the beds over there where I tend to sew up bleeding people."

Lexa looked around taking in everything she could, and seeming not to mind Clarke's lackluster description. Clarke could tell that she was a bit uneasy about some of the things she was unfamiliar with, but she also seemed to be very curious about them.

Lexa turned towards Clarke's desk, and raised a hand to open one of the drawers, stopping to look at Clarke for permission. Clarke nodded.

Clarke watched Lexa shift through the papers for a moment, pause and slowly blink at what Clarke assumed were all the overly complicated terms that she didn't understand, and move on to the next drawer.

Clarke considered stopping her, all that was in that drawer were quick sketches she did that she shoved in when her mom got too close and she knew that she should be working, but she figured letting Lexa look wouldn't do any harm. Even if it was a little embarrassing how many of them were pictures of Lexa herself. Lexa already knew that she liked to draw her, it wouldn't be a shock. Hopefully.

"Oh."

"Yeah. I know. I should really clean that thing out, and they're not really good. Just y'know, doodles or whatever. You're a lot prettier than that," Clarke said quietly, touching her hair and glancing away from Lexa, cheeks burning.

She could see her mom ostentatiously paying them no mind across the room, and spending an excessive amount of time reading the same line of the report in front of her.

"Your drawings are wonderful, Clarke," Lexa said, pulling away from the sketches laid out in front of her forcefully, as though they had a hold on her and were determined not to let her go.

She stared into Clarke's eyes for a long moment to underline her words, how much she meant them, how much the pictures meant to her, until she seemed to catch onto Clarke's discomfort and she turned to study the med-bay again.

Clarke noted that Lexa had started shifting more than normal, well, shifting for Lexa. Crossing and uncrossing her legs and tapping her fingers almost imperceptibly against the arm of the chair. Clarke considered prodding her about it, wondering if perhaps the drawings had discomforted her more than she'd thought even though Lexa wasn't the only person she'd drawn, but ultimately decided to let Lexa get her thoughts together and tell Clarke what she was thinking if she wanted to.

"Do you enjoy being here? It's rather...closed in," Lexa said.

For a moment Clarke wondered if Lexa was claustrophobic, but Lexa didn't seem quite that uncomfortable. It appeared more that Lexa just didn't enjoy it, found the room stifling. Not surprising considering that she was in the Med-bay, complete with fluorescent lighting, the strong smell of antiseptic, and the room was so clean and organized that it felt bare.

It felt like a cage sometimes. Clarke could understand Lexa needing to get used to it. It had taken some time for even Clarke to reorient herself to it once she'd returned despite her having spent so much time in it before.

The room couldn't possibly be more different to Lexa's room in Polis or her tent when they'd been working towards bringing down Mount Weather even if that had been the pure purpose of the design. Clarke missed those places too.

The warmth that filled wherever Lexa was, the neutral colors, the hundreds of candles, the weapons clothes and maps that were strewn about in an odd organized chaos. Where everything had it's place and Lexa was meticulous about putting everything where they belonged, but they still managed to take up Lexa's entire space despite Lexa not actually having many nonessential items.

There was just such a lived in coziness wherever Lexa resided, even when she was only somewhere for a few days. It was always hard to leave. There was just something about wherever Lexa was that made Clarke feel at home for some reason.

Clarke didn't hate the Med-bay though. There was a comfort of an entirely different kind being on the Ark. It's where she'd grown up, it's where most of her happiest memories happened, and even though it felt weird sometimes calling her mom a source of comfort after everything that had happened between them, it was where her mom was.

"Yeah, I do. You're right about it, but I guess I'm just used to it," Clarke answered.

Lexa nodded her understanding and studied her.

Clarke somehow felt both self-conscious as Lexa took her in, gaze searching intently, and pleased at how fascinated Lexa was with her. It was as though she'd never seen anything quite like Clarke before, anything she enjoyed looking at more. As though she was determined to never forget a single feature. That she wanted to know everything there was to know about Clarke.

Clarke wondered if she ever looked at Lexa like that, and then rolled her eyes at herself as she turned to play with the hem of her shirt, because yeah of course she looked at Lexa like that and it was honestly kind of embarrassing to think about.

She didn't know whether she was feeling more concerned about Lexa knowing just how strong her feelings for her were, or if she was hoping that Lexa understood so that she didn't have to say the words yet. That Lexa would just know.

Clarke moved one of her feet from the edge of the chair to nudge Lexa's knee, and let it rest there right on top of Lexa's leg when Lexa shot her a poor attempt at a warning glare for it.

"So, Lexa, did you have any questions about our medical facility? I assume our medicine will be one of the prime assets that we'll be bringing to this...coalition, and the reason for your visit here," Abby said steadily making no comment about the apparent comfort between Clarke and Lexa.

Clarke suspected that she was more going into a forceful denial of her and Lexa's relationship than just not noticing.

Still, Clarke was glad that her mother's tone hadn't been rude, it did seem like a real question and an important one. It grated though that her mom didn't believe that really was just interested in where Clarke spent her time. And even more so that she couldn't even blame her for it after all the time she'd spent trying to keep how close she was to Lexa, quiet.

Yeah, now her mom would know that Clarke could get away with teasing and touching Lexa, but genuine interest in her life wasn't something that she'd ever implied to her mother that Lexa would feel.

"I will need to discuss the matter with my healers and Clarke first. I'm afraid that my knowledge of medicine is rather lacking. Perhaps I should acquire a tutor," Lexa said looking right at Clarke.

"Oh, so now you need a tutor and an ambassador?"

"Mhmm. I've also been considering acquiring an official artist for the capitol as well. I'm thinking that Polis could use a few more good murals. You wouldn't happen to know anyone that is a leader, a healer, and an artist, would you Clarke?"

"Maybe I do. I have to ask though, why one person who can do all three (to varying degrees of success), when you could just hire three different professionals?" Clarke asked, narrowing her eyes and holding back a grin.

Lexa looked at her for a long moment.

Completely deadpan. Not a hint of humor on her face. Deathly serious.

"I pride myself on being thrifty, Clarke."

"I've seen how much you spend on candles. You should probably find something else to be proud of, Lexa."

Lexa gaped.

"Clarke."

"Lexa." Clarke mocked.

Lexa sighed and took a breath, apparently gathering herself together. Clarke could see her open her mouth to retort before shutting it again and shaking her head. Clarke pressed her foot down harder on Lexa's thigh, and Lexa swatted it away gently before turning back to Abby who wanted to say something.

"Commander. This "person" you both are talking about, they would be spending a lot of their time in Polis, wouldn't they," Abby sighed, not looking at Lexa at all.

Clarke frowned and avoided her mother's eyes as guilt churned about her stomach uncomfortably. "Yeah, they would, mom."

"I see." Abby swallowed thickly, and turned back to pretending to read her reports.

Clarke watched her for a moment, not sure what to say. She wanted to go to Polis, everything was as good as it was gonna get in Arkadia, there was no reason that she needed to stay after how everything had gone in the meeting, and it wasn't like she was going to be gone forever. She'd visit. She wasn't looking to cut ties with her friends and her mom for all eternity. It wouldn't be possible anyway with her position as ambassador.

But it still felt like something was changing irreversibly. It felt different than when she'd been considering just staying in Polis, having to look her mother in the eye and tell her that this was how it was going to be now. That she was making a new home for herself away from everything and everyone she'd grown up with, it was harder than she'd expected.

Clarke pressed her palms to the desktop and pushed herself to her feet.

"Lexa, ready to move on to the dining hall?"

Lexa stood immediately, nodded, and headed out the door, as ready to leave the tense atmosphere as Clarke was. Clarke hesitated at the doorway.

"Clarke, we're talking about this before you leave."

Clarke wanted to argue immediately at her mom's tone, at her words, before she processed them. She'd said "before you leave".

It wasn't all that unfair to ask for, to want to talk about this next step in her life.

"Okay mom."


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke studied Lexa's reaction out of the corner of her eye as the dining hall immediately hushed when they entered the room. Lexa, of course, payed them no mind. She just tilted her head deferentially towards Clarke, and Clarke took her cue to lead the way.

She wasn't actually all that sure where she was taking Lexa until she spotted her friends huddled up at a table in the corner. Octavia caught her gaze and shook her head slowly, eyes screaming don't even think about bringing her over here, Clarke.

Clarke pretended not to notice Octavia's desperation, and tapped Lexa's arm before striding off towards the table. Bellamy and Jasper were up and halfway out the door before Clarke and Lexa reached the table. Jasper not even looking at them, and Bellamy giving a nod of solidarity and a half-hearted grimace of a smile to Clarke, but ultimately still leaving.

Octavia was staring at the ceiling with her jaw clenched and her hands spread palm up on her knees, as though asking why the universe hated her so much.

"Hey guys," Clarke said settling down into one of the seats the boys had vacated, trying to move past the awkwardness. Knowing that that probably wasn't going to happen.

The response was mostly comprised of incoherent greetings with Octavia and Lincoln's voices mixed in just saying "Heda", and Monty giving an uncomfortable but welcoming "Hello Commander, hey Clarke".

Lexa nodded to them as she sat down, and Clarke placed her hand on the back of Lexa's chair.

Silence settled over the group even as the people around them resumed their conversations after seeing that nothing interesting was happening beyond Lexa simply being in the room.

"Heda, how was your journey?" Lincoln is the one to try to smooth over the somewhat rough start.

"It went well, though there were a few minor complications, you know how unpredictable the weather can be this time of year. One day so warm and clear you'd think it was already the middle of spring, and three days later it's frost coating everything and my mighty warriors all stricken down by colds," Lexa answered seriously, rolling her eyes a bit in what appeared to be genuine annoyance.

Clarke raised an eyebrow a little at the topic, but didn't interrupt. As long as there was no potential bloodshed or declarations of war going on she didn't really care what Lexa and Lincoln wanted to go on about, even if it was the fucking weather, and apparently, the negative effects that bad weather had on warriors.

"As riveting as this conversation is, I was wondering how the radio Indra has is working, Commander? It doing okay?" Raven asked, placing both elbows on the table and leaning forward.

Clarke glared at Raven warningly but didn't make a move to stop Lexa from responding. She knew exactly where Raven was going with this, and was admittedly curious about what Lexa's explanation would be as well. Though, she doubted that Lexa was going to reveal anything if she was keeping secrets with Clarke's friends around them and hanging on every word.

Lexa frowned, obviously knowing something was off but not sure what, and turned towards Clarke for an explanation of Raven's odd behavior. Clarke shrugged. Lexa's eyes narrowed, but she answered Raven's question.

"To my knowledge, it's in perfect working order."

"Huh. So, you didn't contact us sooner...because?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you or anyone else," Lexa replied smoothly, seeming almost bored by the conversation.

"Okay, but say you did. How would you explain it?" Clarke cut in, unable to stop herself as she shifted to face Lexa more fully.

Her friends were looking between the two of them intently, and Clarke felt a pang of regret as she realized she really should have just waited until she and Lexa were in private to ask her about it. There wasn't much room to backpedal now though, so Clarke kept her gaze steady.

Lexa's eyes widened in surprise for that first second after Clarke spoke before she gave a slight self-deprecating head shake, as though chastising herself for expecting Clarke not to cause trouble for her. Which Clarke found to be a little unfair considering that she didn't antagonize Lexa on purpose...all the time.

At least Lexa didn't appear angry about it. Vaguely annoyed, yes, but not angry.

"In that case, I would say that it didn't seem prudent to engage with a people so recently unsettled." Her tone was final.

Clarke knew that even she wasn't going to be able to get more when stubborn Lexa who wasn't going to be swayed was out. Despite how guilty she looked.

There was clearly something more than a little messy politics at work, that Lexa would be fine with handling. Clarke looked at her friends. They seemed interested in forcing the subject, but maybe not sure what to do with Lexa's brief, and polished, answers. And, honestly, despite all their bravado, she didn't think that they really wanted to offend Lexa too much.

They may not like or trust Lexa, but Clarke was pretty sure that they knew that Lexa being power and on their side, was what was best for everyone.

Lexa clasped her hands together and took in everyone, likely trying to assess whether or not their little interrogation was over. Clarke nodded at her. Not an okay, everything is fine, sorry 'bout that nod, but made sure that Lexa knew she was being given a fine. I'll drop this for the moment, but this conversation is far from done nod.

Lexa seemed to catch her meaning. She sighed, and turned towards Octavia.

"How is your training progressing, Octavia? I've heard that you're shaping up to be a remarkable warrior," Lexa said, changing the subject.

Octavia looked surprised for a moment at being addressed, and then wary as if Lexa's compliment was a snake. Now, Clarke knew that Lexa had a way with words, but she wasn't one to just flatter or manipulate for no reason.

No, Lexa was simply making a remark about something that Indra had probably told her, trying to be diplomatic and brush over the awkwardness of being called out by everyone, even if they hadn't actually embarrassed her or gotten any information.

Octavia smoothed her face into the expressionless mask that Grounders tended to favor before answering.

"It's complicated. My circumstances aren't exactly the same as the other seconds. I haven't been able to train with them or anything with everything that's been going on, and I won't be able to in the future either since you banished Lincoln. But I think it's going well overall, I've learned a lot from Indra."

Lexa paused at the mention of Lincoln's banishment. Clarke both felt for her, she didn't enjoy seeing Lexa distressed these days, and felt that Lexa kind of deserved that. Clarke didn't think that banishing Lincoln was fair, he was just helping them, something that Lexa should be able to understand after everything she herself had done for them.

But then again, she knew that Lexa was bit of a more formal leader than Clarke was, that she had laws and traditions that she was supposed to go along with. Clarke would personally rather that Lexa just threw all that out the window, but reluctantly she sort of understand Lexa's position.

Lincoln didn't say anything, didn't glare, didn't look angry, but he also didn't jump in to stop Octavia either.

Lexa took them both in for a long moment.

"Yes, I see how that could make things difficult. It's a shame that Linkon kom Trikru is not permitted in the capitol after his offences. I will say though that I don't believe that Linkon kom Skaikru has ever been banished."

Lexa said it casually, Octavia didn't even seem to catch it at first, too focused on Lexa's nonchalant tone, but straightened a beat later and beamed at Lincoln, almost disbelieving. Lincoln looked maybe even more shocked, probably because he had a better idea of what a big deal this was.

Clarke knew that it had been a major struggle for a prince to get his banishment lifted, Lincoln getting invited home was unprecedented. Clarke wondered if Lexa did it as a gift to her, she knew how much all of her friends meant to Clarke, if it was just a moment of compassion that Lexa was allowing herself, or something else entirely.

* * *

"Lexa, what's going on?"

Lexa didn't look away from her examination of the room that she'd be staying in.

Clarke sighed, and threw herself into a chair, pressing her palms against the tabletop in front of her. Something was off with Lexa, had been the entire time she'd been in Arkadia, and now she wanted to know what it was. Why did Lexa look slightly…guilty?

"I don't know what you mean."

Clarke struggled not to roll her eyes. Lexa was standing in the center of her temporary room with her hands clasped behind her back, shoulders tense, not meeting her eyes, and she still wasn't going to admit that something was up.

"Seriously? Lexa, if something happened, if you did something, if there's something on your mind, I want to talk about it. If someone I care about gets hurt because of whatever secrets your keeping now, I don't know how I'd be able to move past it."

Lexa immediately turned towards her at that, looking surprised.

"Clarke, I swear that I haven't done anything that would hurt your people."

"Would it hurt me?"

Lexa paused.

"Not physically. Hopefully, not emotionally either. I haven't done anything, Clarke. It's just thoughts I was having while you were away, some things that the other Ambassadors and Titus were saying."

Clarke frowned. Anything that they had to say wasn't going to be good, she didn't even want to imagine what Titus had been attempting to fill Lexa's head with about her.

"So, that's why you didn't radio? You decided to just bail because of what Titus was saying?"

Lexa sighed, and moved to the chair across from Clarke, resting her hands on the table as well, close to Clarke's but not quite touching.

"No. Somewhat. It was suggested that you may not be completely in control of the situation, and that contacting you could give an enemy more information than I'd like."

"What else?"

Lexa blinked, and looked at Clarke with chagrined admiration.

"And, it may have come up that being back around your friends, and their opinions and hurt, that you might be tempted to join them."

Clarke scoffed, and shoved away from the table, "that's why you've been acting all weird. Because you were either gonna leave me in the hands of Pike, or were preparing for me to betray you. That's great, Lexa. Nice to know how much faith you have in me. Nice to know that after everything I still can't trust you."

"I never would have left you in Pike's hands. There was no indication that you were in that kind of trouble, I meant that I don't understand how your tech works, or who could be listening to anything I said to you, that's all." Lexa stated earnestly.

Clarke believed her. It didn't make that other part any better though.

"But you did think that I'd turn on you," Clarke said quietly.

"I thought that I should be prepared for the worst, yes."

"Please, don't make it sound like some risky business deal. You don't trust me. How are we gonna do this, how are we supposed to be…us, if we're looking over our shoulders waiting for the other to stab us in the back?" Clarke said, talking as much to herself as Lexa.

"That's not. You know that I trust you, it wasn't about that. I just wondered, if you couldn't get your people to agree, if they wouldn't listen. Can you blame me for entertaining the thought that if you were forced to choose that it might not be in my favor?

"You're a leader, Clarke, you've always put your people first, your loved ones, first. That's part of why we are…us, we both understand that burden. I'd never expect anything else of you, I wouldn't blame you for having to make that choice. I don't lack faith in you, I just know you, and respect you and the position you were in."

"You don't sound as guilty about it as I thought you were," Clarke noted distractedly, head still swimming with what Lexa had revealed.

"I don't feel guilty. I knew what I might have to do, what you might've had to do, knew that you would react the same way if you were in my position. It's just not easy. I don't like that it's always me abandoning you, or in this case preparing to abandon you.

"Knowing abstractly that you'd do the same doesn't make it the same. Just because you would do it doesn't mean you have, doesn't mean that I've truly felt what you have. Though my suffering has been great."

Clarke took a breath. This was the same conflict that they'd already gone over repeatedly. Both of them caring about each other, but having an obligation to their people, that just didn't seem capable of coexisting. Admittedly, more because of her own people than Lexa's.

It felt different now, though. They were supposed to be on the same page, fighting for the same thing, and doing it knowing how much they cared about each other. That they both wanted a future together. It stung that Lexa thought that after everything she'd just join the army that was massacring her people and trying to overthrow her. Lexa clearly felt that it was different too, knew that it would be a bit of a slap to the face for Clarke.

What hurt even more was that she completely understood why Lexa would think that way. Because to a degree it was true. She never would have joined them, but she also wouldn't have helped Lexa stop them if they wouldn't stop themselves. She'd have tried to get the people closest to her away from everything, safe, but beyond that…she just didn't know what she'd have done.

Lexa stood up and walked over to her slowly, stopping close enough for Clarke to touch if she wanted to, but not invasive.

"That's it though, right? No other secrets, no one is going to be hurt, we're back in the Coalition?"

"No secrets, everything's okay, everyone's safe," Lexa affirmed softly.

"I'm still not happy about this."

"I know."

Clarke gave a sad smile, and Lexa's shoulders relaxed, though her expression stayed concerned.

"I knew that this wasn't going to be easy, Lexa, I get why you'd worry. I just wish that it didn't have to be like this," Clarke said, feeling childish for talking about 'wishes'. At least she knew better than to even consider 'happily ever after'.

"One day it won't be, hopefully soon. Your people are my now, and Pike is gone. Yes, I did notice the tension in your camp, but in time I'm certain that things will change. Your people will realize that they can't other themselves forever, they're not in the sky anymore, they'll have to accept that we need to coexist, and my people will do the same. Because of decisions that we've made, because of our leadership, there will be peace. You've done amazing things, Clarke."

Clarke sighed and stepped closer, pressed her hands to Lexa's hips, melded her body to Lexa's, tucked her face into the crook of Lexa's neck. Lexa hesitated for a moment as though to give Clarke a chance to change her mind, before wrapping her arms around Clarke tightly, breathing her in.

Clarke pulled back just enough to press a lingering kiss to Lexa's mouth, and slid her hands up Lexa's torso, pushing her coat off her shoulders. Clarke hummed at the sound of the coat hitting the floor and the feel of Lexa's bare arms pulling her body back against hers, getting as close as possible.

She started leading Lexa across the room, and could feel her groan as much as she could hear it when Lexa realized where they were headed.


End file.
